i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
