why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize