Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
