i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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