fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
