dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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