the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
