Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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