Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
