Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The best revenge is premature balding
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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