ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
