I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
