I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
