I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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