My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Someone signed my nipple.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
