saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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