take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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