Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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