I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
