he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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