she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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