why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You pole danced in your parka.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
