so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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