I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
