Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
