Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
