The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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