youre lurking in front of me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
