Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
