It's Friday. Sex?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
