He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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