dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize