Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
