I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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