and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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