We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
