my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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