wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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