where am i from again
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
