Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
