Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
