I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
