Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Less talking, more tequila
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize