I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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