I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
