i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
