White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
