True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
