At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
