I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
