Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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