Im at strip club and am horny
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
