Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
