I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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