im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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