I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
