it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
