just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
