That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Moan for me like Helen Keller
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
