I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize