Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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