I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
