I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
