she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize