Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
