at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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