You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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