And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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