I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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