YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
