i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Still dying that you shit outside
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
