Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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