We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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