You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize