chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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