Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
