It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
